The only difference between a big ass and a healthy butt is about 24 inches
I want to be the leader of all of the anarchists
If I was a teen superstar and I was featured in Teen-Beat Magazine, I would be
very ashamed if people put a poster of me on their wall.
If it were up to me: Heavy set, unibrowed Itallian mafia types wouldn't be allowed
to wear thick gold necklaces, cause it might get caught in their chest-hair...
And we should really be nice to people like that.
I've often wondered about the secret life of Bruce Willis. The guy makes a lot
of money and then goes around doing cameos in crappy movies. I mean, if I were
a famous actor and had money out the wazoo then would I make crappy movie
apperances? I don't know, perhaps the life of the famous and wealthy is too
challenging to sit at home all of the time. Maybe he cameos in movies that
suck just so people won't forget him. Uh, you know, that one guy.
Doesn't it bug you when other people smoke? I mean, like: Hey! That's money
that you could be spending on MY bad habits!
I think that if I were a black cat I would spend all day on fence-posts and
just look cute but then go "Rarrrw!" everytime someone came near me to pet me
... Or maybe if I was an indoors dog and it was like 3:30 in the morning I
would bark and wake everyone up and when they came to see what was the matter
I would stand in front of the basement door and just growl, and then when my
master came back with a baseball bat I would just wag my tail and trot away
and be like: WHAT???
If I was a girl I would get a tattoo on my bikini line that said: "I want to be
with steve" cause then when every guy got to third base with me they would be
like: "Hey! Who's Steve?"
You know... What's with bears? They're big, ugly, smell terrible and eat people!
So why did my mother make me sleep with them as a child?
I often wonder why the sky is blue and then I think - Oh it's because of
certain wavelengths in our color spectrum are reflected out of the Earths
Ionosphere and then I close my eyes and cry... cause that's just messed up.
I love looking down into the toilet at my dump before I wipe, cause it's really
cool to just see it sitting there all helpless, forlorn, and alone... and wiggly.
But then I notice that it's a big tapeworm and it makes me mad because: "Hey
that's MY lunch".