On July 17th a bill was passed in Santa Barbara, California banning straws from restaurants. This was a major eye opener for many of us here out in the mid-west, where we have an abundance. Evidently, in California, due to increased religious freedom restrictions, wildfires, and the LGPTQRSTUV movement, straws are evaporating, or being stolen.
According to the new ordinance, if you give one of these precious items away to your "customers" [read: co-conspirator] you are in severe violation, and will be penalized, up to twelve years in prison, several spankings, and a large sign in your front yard, shaming you for peeing yourself when you were age four.
But there is hope to this shortage crisis! You can order straws and have them sent directly to the council members and mayor of Santa Barbara! It's easy!
Simply go to Amazon and help us end the crisis. Please order 1 (one) box per council member and mayor.
Mayor & City Council
According to the new ordinance, if you give one of these precious items away to your "customers" [read: co-conspirator] you are in severe violation, and will be penalized, up to twelve years in prison, several spankings, and a large sign in your front yard, shaming you for peeing yourself when you were age four.
But there is hope to this shortage crisis! You can order straws and have them sent directly to the council members and mayor of Santa Barbara! It's easy!
Simply go to Amazon and help us end the crisis. Please order 1 (one) box per council member and mayor.
Mayor & City Council
P.O. Box 1990Santa Barbara, CA 93102-1990
You can find individual listings below. Don't just send them all to Cathy Murillo though. She may be one tough cookie, but she can't horde ALL the straws. Make sure Jason, Randy, Oscar, Kristen, Eric, and Gregg have some as well.
It's easy! Simply click on the box of straws to begin!
Let's end this crisis once and for all!
 |
| Amazon.com - Crystalware Drinking Straws |
Cathy MurilloMayor
(805) 564-5322
cmurillo@santabarbaraca.gov
Jason DominquezCouncilmember - District 1
(805) 564-5324
jdominguez@santabarbaraca.gov
Randy RowseMayor Pro Tempore
Councilmember - District 2
(805) 564-5325
rrowse@santabarbaraca.gov
Oscar GutierrezCouncilmember - District 3
(805) 564-5394
ogutierrez@santabarbaraca.gov
Kristen SneddonCouncilmember - District 4
(805) 564-5321
ksneddon@santabarbaraca.gov
Eric FriedmanCouncilmember - District 5
(805) 564-5320
efriedman@santabarbaraca.gov
Gregg Hart
Finance Committee Chair
Councilmember - District 6
(805) 564-5319
ghart@santabarbaraca.gov
Mayor & City Council
To contact the Mayor and entire City Council:
SBCityCouncil@SantaBarbaraCA.gov
| Mayor & Council Offices are located at: City Hall 735 Anacapa Street Santa Barbara, CA 93101 | Correspondence can be mailed to: Mayor &City Council P.O. Box 1990 Santa Barbara, CA 93102-1990 |
Here is a copy of the new law that was just passed! It's up to YOU to send them help!
this entire post is sardonic and should not be taken seriously. it's sad what straws do to turtles and other aquatic life. plastic straws are a nuisance and a hazard. do what you can to not use them.