Amazon Delivery

 It's amazing to me that the Amazon delivery system makes any money doing things the way it does. We have a fulfillment center within an hours drive of us.

Lo and behold, when I order dishwasher clips and a mechanical pencil they send two orders in two oversized packages for each item placed on the same order. That's a lot of gas and manpower for two very small items.

One might think that they could streamline their logistics and package them both in the same (even smaller) envelope and deliver them at one time.

If I ran my business like that, I'd be out of work within a week.

And sure, you know they make it up with volume, but come on, that's just poor planning.

4 am anyway

in an attempt to be kind to my wife, i've set my alarm for 4:15am to match hers.

this doesn't stop my body from getting up at 3:48, despite me telling it to not.

i'll brush the luxury bones, have a BM, and drink my coffee, clothes ready to accomplish LIFE.

and then her alarm goes off.

i've tried going to bed later.

but my body isn't even really tired until 10.

we tell everyone we know "we go to bed at 7."

but really, the "me" of "we" just tucked in the "her" - and "I" am off somewhere else, working on a project.

i don't have a project right now, so i'm just up working on paulyhart.com blogging side.

with the coming stock market crash looming over us, i've been doing some shuffling of finances in an effort to stay ahead of the horrible black days ahead.

i'm pretty sure i'm cutting most of my subscriptions and websites.

which sucks. i hate cutting websites.

like the certain dude i bought flatearthdoctrine.com off of, i paid upwards to $1k for it.

so obviously i can't drop that.

but some others, like my second big game, downtobrassfacts.com - yeah i might drop it.

well i also own down2brassfacts.com so that also might go.

maybe.

yar.

and i do live below my means already.

i'd rather have a website than a fancy dinner.

it's just sometimes with the increase in productivity to make your pool larger, you have to turn down the faucets as well.

 

Shema Israel

I woke up today thinking: "Oh, I'll just sing along with someone on YouTube, the greatest command."

But no. The first hit was a Grandma on a piano.

Pass.

The second seemed hopeful. A little boy singing in front of some zionist soldiers.

Nah.

I forget that zionists disobey the command on purpose while showing they disobey the command.

LOL.

And the smiles of "Oh how proud we are of this little boy disobeying the command" just wanted to make me barf.

God literally says: "Hey this is my name. Use my name. Say my name."

And the zionists are like: "Oh OK. Your name is "Your Name."

Ugh.

[insert Homer Simson 'D'OH' gif]

Ain't if funny though?

I hate it when nationalism dictates religion.

Why do I need to be seen?

The glory of being seen is that you feel important in the moment you are aware that others are aware of you. It brings your awareness of yourself into their presence. Suddenly, and without provocation, their idea of the universe, with their two eyes, is encompassed within the matter that is formed up of you. You belong in the forefront of their minds.

Their judgements, their critiques, their criticism, it's all directed at, and drawn to you. And maybe that's alright, because for a brief moment, you're still the center of their attention. So don't lose it. Don't seek to wiggle away into the darkness, hiding like a lizard, afraid of the boot.

Imagine that instead of critique or judgement it's the opposite. It's admiration and love. It's the forces of life and beauty and hope all rolled into one. Why would that happen? Why would that be? What could have caused them to have such a reaction.

Probably behavior.

Maybe it's in the middle of a very busy street and you just so happened to see the guy punch her and take her purse and you just got done watching Bruce Lee and tripped the guy and snatched the purse back after he took a nose-dive at full sprint. Now she's running up and the guy is on the ground bleeding and people are surrounding him. He can't leave and things are pointing to this not being his best day. You're a hero.

Or maybe this is the final night of your performance. You've trained hard and now it's the time you shine. The lights are on and the stage is set and there you are and everyone is rapt in attention hanging onto your performance. You're a star.

For a brief segment of their lives, they are sharing the glory that you've brought to the world. It's nice. But it doesn't last. After a few moments, it will fade. It might last through the night... It might even last a week, but it will go away eventually.

Maybe you're riding high from 15 minutes of fame... That TV show ran for a season and then you were killed off... Your interview at the incident was outstanding and a YouTuber turned it into an autotuned song... Whatever it is, the allure you once had in the public eye will diminish and then you "used to be somebody back in the day" and now everything seems like it's boring and bland and there's no life in anything anymore.

But isn't the old reality before the fame the actual reality? Sure it felt good to "rise above" and "rise up" but now that it's all over... what's left?

Everything that was already there should be left. Everything that made you the "you" you were is and was already there anyway. Now it remains and you have a great story to tell your grandkids.

I've met people who were on The Price is Right. I worked with a guy who was on the Ricki Lake show. I've known this person or that person who had their quick moment on American TV, but now it's over. They can choose to live in the past or they can take what they have now and use it as fuel for their future.

Did they need to be seen? Not really. None of us need mass media to glorify us. But if it ever happens to you, it can be neat. I've had my 15 a couple of times here and there, and it's nice. But it's rarely ever needed. It's seen as desirous for sure, but none of the people who are super famous ever really prefer it. It's a transition, and after living for five to ten years in seclusion, they make the choice to either get with a new program or live out their glory days in the old life.

It's like watching Corey Feldman or Danny Bonaduce in slow motion destroy any type of career they might have had after being a child actor. Just the opposite for Warwick Davis.

What happened? Danny and Corey became egomaniacs and Warwick stayed humble. And here's the crux of the entire thing... Danny and Corey NEEDED the camera to be trained on them... Warwick never did.

Why didn't Warwick need to be seen?

Well it helped a little that his first role (Wicket the Ewok) was in a mask, so the glory never went to his head. But even after his biggest role in Willow, where he was the protagonist, he never let it go to his head.

And I guess that's the thing huh? Warwick just stayed quiet and let his art work... His money work... His talent work.

He never needed to be seen.

Why. Why Not. Why Not You. Why Not You Now.

 Why.

Why am I still here?

Why am I still struggling?

Why do I do the same things every time?

Why do I put off the things I know can change me?

Why do I suffer with the same problems?

Why don't I take the time to change what I've become?

Why don't I think I deserve it?

Why do I hinder myself at every turn?

Why do I still blame my dad for my problems?

Why do I still look everywhere else besides at myself?

Why do I blame everything but me?

Why don't I care enough to transform?

Why do I cling to silly life choices?

Why does my love language involve pain?

Why don't I love the future me?

Why does the past dictate so many of my decisions?

Why does the one thing I know can change me continue on?

Why don't I believe in myself?

Why don't I understand that I can do better?

Why do I think I don't deserve to do better?

Why does my life hurt?

Why do all my habits seek to destroy my plans?

Why does all my money flow so freely out of my paycheck?

Why does my car still have trash in it?

Why is my bed not made?

Why is the litter box almost full again?

Why is my sink full?

Why is the laundry unfolded?

Why am I expecting my mom show up and do it?

Why don't I try harder on becoming a better person?

Why do I yell at the people who love me?

Why do I blame the people closest to me?

Why don't I become the person I thought I'd be by now?

Why don't things just magically fix themselves when I ignore them?

Why does life have to be so difficult?

Why do things feel like they're worse now than before?

Why does struggle seem to deepen with every year?

Why does adulting seem so difficult?

Why do big corporations get away with their bullshit?

Why do governments seem to hate the people it pretends to help?

Why don't I change them?

Why don't I rise up and do something?

Why do I feel like I cannot?

Why don't I have the stuff I thought I'd have?

Why is my bank account so small?

Why are there so many bills?

Why can't money buy money?

Why haven't I gotten a raise by now?

Why do other people do better at work than me?

Why does the boss hate me?

Why do I hate me?

Why does it feel like the deck is stacked against me?

Why am I holding a hand full of trash?

Why do I expect to win when I've been dealt trash?

Why can't the dealer be fair?

Why can't the chip stacks be even?

Why is the game rigged?

Why does the house always win?

Why do I suck so bad?

Why don't I just walk away?

Why don't I just learn more?

Why don't I study harder?

Why don't I just play a different game?

Why don't I stop blaming others?

Why am I concerning myself with others' lives?

Why are my conclusions so lop-sided?

Why don't I just rise up?

Why don't I change things?

Why am I expecting life to be fair?

Why do I expect life to just be easy?

Why am I avoiding my major battles?

Why do I run from my problems?

Why not just face them no matter what?

Why not confront the issues head on?

Why not just stop the evil?

Why not chase the good?

Why?

Why not?

Why not me?

Why not me now?

New writing struggle

NOW that I've finally got my big self help book out of the way

https://www.amazon.com/Let-Go-Being-Stupid-Wisdom/dp/1955399514

I can focus on writing some fiction.

Last month I popped out a 10 page story called Travellers (4,800 words).

And just in the last couple of days, a 13 page story (9,500 words).

This story is called Justice has a name like Antonio Banderas.

At first, I was like very concerned that in three pages I seemed to double the words.

So I checked characters, and yeah, there's almost double.

OKAAAAAY,

So I'm looking at font, size, kerning, spacing, justification... Nope!

Then I'm looking at page, size, margins, bleed, gutter... Nope

You know what I found out?

Monosylable words are usually simpler to write.

But often to get across the idea.

You have to write more of them.

So, since my protagonist for Justice has a low IQ.

So it was a step away from my regular brain.

And the mystery is solved.

They're both great stories though.

Anyway, carry on,
-p

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