My fellow Americans:
Three days from now, after half a century in the service of our country, I shall lay down the responsibilities of office as, in traditional and solemn ceremony, the authority of the Presidency is vested in my successor.
This evening I come to you with a message of leave-taking and farewell, and to share a few final thoughts with you, my countrymen.
Like every other citizen, I wish the new President, and all who will labor with him, Godspeed. I pray that the coming years will be blessed with peace and prosperity for all.
Our people expect their President and the Congress to find essential agreement on issues of great moment, the wise resolution of which will better shape the future of the Nation.
My own relations with the Congress, which began on a remote and tenuous basis when, long ago, a member of the Senate appointed me to West Point, have since ranged to the intimate during the war and immediate post-war period, and, finally, to the mutually interdependent during these past eight years.
In this final relationship, the Congress and the Administration have, on most vital issues, cooperated well, to serve the national good rather than mere partisanship, and so have assured that the business of the Nation should go forward. So, my official relationship with the Congress ends in a feeling, on my part, of gratitude that we have been able to do so much together.
We now stand ten years past the midpoint of a century that has witnessed four major wars among great nations. Three of these involved our own country. Despite these holocausts America is today the strongest, the most influential and most productive nation in the world. Understandably proud of this pre-eminence, we yet realize that America's leadership and prestige depend, not merely upon our unmatched material progress, riches and military strength, but on how we use our power in the interests of world peace and human betterment.
Throughout America's adventure in free government, our basic purposes have been to keep the peace; to foster progress in human achievement, and to enhance liberty, dignity and integrity among people and among nations. To strive for less would be unworthy of a free and religious people. Any failure traceable to arrogance, or our lack of comprehension or readiness to sacrifice would inflict upon us grievous hurt both at home and abroad.
Progress toward these noble goals is persistently threatened by the conflict now engulfing the world. It commands our whole attention, absorbs our very beings. We face a hostile ideology -- global in scope, atheistic in character, ruthless in purpose, and insidious in method. Unhappily the danger is poses promises to be of indefinite duration. To meet it successfully, there is called for, not so much the emotional and transitory sacrifices of crisis, but rather those which enable us to carry forward steadily, surely, and without complaint the burdens of a prolonged and complex struggle -- with liberty the stake. Only thus shall we remain, despite every provocation, on our charted course toward permanent peace and human betterment.
Crises there will continue to be. In meeting them, whether foreign or domestic, great or small, there is a recurring temptation to feel that some spectacular and costly action could become the miraculous solution to all current difficulties. A huge increase in newer elements of our defense; development of unrealistic programs to cure every ill in agriculture; a dramatic expansion in basic and applied research -- these and many other possibilities, each possibly promising in itself, may be suggested as the only way to the road we wish to travel.
But each proposal must be weighed in the light of a broader consideration: the need to maintain balance in and among national programs -- balance between the private and the public economy, balance between cost and hoped for advantage -- balance between the clearly necessary and the comfortably desirable; balance between our essential requirements as a nation and the duties imposed by the nation upon the individual; balance between actions of the moment and the national welfare of the future. Good judgment seeks balance and progress; lack of it eventually finds imbalance and frustration.
The record of many decades stands as proof that our people and their government have, in the main, understood these truths and have responded to them well, in the face of stress and threat. But threats, new in kind or degree, constantly arise. I mention two only.
A vital element in keeping the peace is our military establishment. Our arms must be mighty, ready for instant action, so that no potential aggressor may be tempted to risk his own destruction.
Our military organization today bears little relation to that known by any of my predecessors in peacetime, or indeed by the fighting men of World War II or Korea.
Until the latest of our world conflicts, the United States had no armaments industry. American makers of plowshares could, with time and as required, make swords as well. But now we can no longer risk emergency improvisation of national defense; we have been compelled to create a permanent armaments industry of vast proportions. Added to this, three and a half million men and women are directly engaged in the defense establishment. We annually spend on military security more than the net income of all United States corporations.
This conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms industry is new in the American experience. The total influence -- economic, political, even spiritual -- is felt in every city, every State house, every office of the Federal government. We recognize the imperative need for this development. Yet we must not fail to comprehend its grave implications. Our toil, resources and livelihood are all involved; so is the very structure of our society.
In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the militaryindustrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.
We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should take nothing for granted. Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together.
Akin to, and largely responsible for the sweeping changes in our industrial-military posture, has been the technological revolution during recent decades.
In this revolution, research has become central; it also becomes more formalized, complex, and costly. A steadily increasing share is conducted for, by, or at the direction of, the Federal government.
Today, the solitary inventor, tinkering in his shop, has been overshadowed by task forces of scientists in laboratories and testing fields. In the same fashion, the free university, historically the fountainhead of free ideas and scientific discovery, has experienced a revolution in the conduct of research. Partly because of the huge costs involved, a government contract becomes virtually a substitute for intellectual curiosity. For every old blackboard there are now hundreds of new electronic computers.
The prospect of domination of the nation's scholars by Federal employment, project allocations, and the power of money is ever present
and is gravely to be regarded.
Yet, in holding scientific research and discovery in respect, as we should, we must also be alert to the equal and opposite danger that public policy could itself become the captive of a scientifictechnological elite.
It is the task of statesmanship to mold, to balance, and to integrate these and other forces, new and old, within the principles of our democratic system -- ever aiming toward the supreme goals of our free society.
Another factor in maintaining balance involves the element of time. As we peer into society's future, we -- you and I, and our government -- must avoid the impulse to live only for today, plundering, for our own ease and convenience, the precious resources of tomorrow. We cannot mortgage the material assets of our grandchildren without risking the loss also of their political and spiritual heritage. We want democracy to survive for all generations to come, not to become the insolvent phantom of tomorrow.
Down the long lane of the history yet to be written America knows that this world of ours, ever growing smaller, must avoid becoming a community of dreadful fear and hate, and be instead, a proud confederation of mutual trust and respect.
Such a confederation must be one of equals. The weakest must come to the conference table with the same confidence as do we, protected as we are by our moral, economic, and military strength. That table, though scarred by many past frustrations, cannot be abandoned for the certain agony of the battlefield.
Disarmament, with mutual honor and confidence, is a continuing imperative. Together we must learn how to compose differences, not with arms, but with intellect and decent purpose. Because this need is so sharp and apparent I confess that I lay down my official responsibilities in this field with a definite sense of disappointment. As one who has witnessed the horror and the lingering sadness of war -- as one who knows that another war could utterly destroy this civilization which has been so slowly and painfully built over thousands of years -- I wish I could say tonight that a lasting peace is in sight.
Happily, I can say that war has been avoided. Steady progress toward our ultimate goal has been made. But, so much remains to be done. As a private citizen, I shall never cease to do what little I can to help the world advance along that road.
So -- in this my last good night to you as your President -- I thank you for the many opportunities you have given me for public service in war and peace. I trust that in that service you find some things worthy; as for the rest of it, I know you will find ways to improve performance in the future.
You and I -- my fellow citizens -- need to be strong in our faith that all nations, under God, will reach the goal of peace with justice. May we be ever unswerving in devotion to principle, confident but humble with power, diligent in pursuit of the Nation's great goals.
To all the peoples of the world, I once more give expression to America's prayerful and continuing aspiration:
We pray that peoples of all faiths, all races, all nations, may have their great human needs satisfied; that those now denied opportunity shall come to enjoy it to the full; that all who yearn for freedom may experience its spiritual blessings; that those who have freedom will understand, also, its heavy responsibilities; that all who are insensitive to the needs of others will learn charity; that the scourges of poverty, disease and ignorance will be made to disappear from the earth, and that, in the goodness of time, all peoples will come to live together in a peace guaranteed by the binding force of mutual respect and love.
that repointed you several times and downloaded a version of the rootkit "blind
dragon" from somewhere in the netherlands.
this installed many files on my machine causing these symptoms:
1 - unable to access task manager by crtl+alt+del
2 - unable to use cd/dvd drive
3 - unable to load windows version in safe mode
4 - severe popups in all installed browser windows on or off line
5 - re-installation of everything msconfig told NOT to use
6 - ability to cloak files from search
7 - inability to access registry thru folder paths
in short, anything you could do to try and find it WITH another program was
not working and i tried a bit thru the command window and gave up...
i was going in circles with various anti EVERYTHING ware programs and still
no results until i google.co.uk'd:
which fixed everything...
this worm was pretty smart. it grabbed my browsers and took me to gala.com
instead of google.com, it even repointed me to another google when i arrived
there so it was in german... and even then it was a fakey. i got off lucky
by searching google.co.uk for my intel to find unhack me.
it's a free demo program. it flipping rocks.
it is NOT for noobs.
here are some files it installed
it's gonna ask you if you want to keep certain "unknown files" such as
"win.sys" and other such uberimportants... however when all ELSE fails,
if you need to uninstall a rootkit, go here.
tools i used to no avail to uninstall rootkit:
tools that uninstalled it:
tools i use everyday and will continue using:
glary registry cleaner
abexo registry cleaner
crap cleaner (ccleaner multifunctional cleaner)
my i-con keeps getting reset.
look at :52. i almost had a heart attack when i did. apparently the DOD is sponsoring something strange. something for YOU. something called a GENE CHIP.
(Pastor Bill praising God after his house burned)
He was 57. He died 4:40 a.m. today, church officials announced at morning services.
Daugherty was hospitalized in October with a viral infection in his throat when tests discovered the cancer.
Audible gasps were heard across the congregation near the end of the 9 a.m. service when associate pastor Bruce Edwards announced from the pulpit, “At 4:40 a.m. this morning, pastor graduated into heaven.”
“We don’t sorrow as the world sorrows, as one without hope,” he said. “We celebrate his life, but at the same time there is sorrow, there is grieving.”
Many people sobbed in their seats as son-in-law Adam Sanders talked about Daugherty’s final hours at the M.D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston.
“We miss him, but he’s with Jesus,” he said. “His entire life was about one thing, loving God, and out of that love, he loved people. We will continue in his legacy, loving people.”
Son in law Caleb Wehrli, tears streaming down his face, said the whole family continued to worship right up to the end.
“He fought the good fight and he won. He touched so many people,” he said.
A memorial service is being planned for Nov. 30.
In addition to founding one of Tulsa’s largest churches, he was founder of Victory Christian School, Victory Bible Institute
with about 900 campuses in 93 countries, and Victory World Missions Training Center which has sent 1000s of
missionaries around the world.
(Pastor Bill praising God after he was punched during a service)
His television show, Victory in Jesus, reached more than 100 million households in North America, in addition to satellite and internet distribution worldwide. He and his wife, Victory co-pastor Sharon Daugherty, have written more than a dozen books.
Daugherty was one of America’s best-known charismatic pastors, preaching an upbeat and sometimes controversial message that Jesus came to bring spiritual, emotional and physical healing, and blessing and prosperity to mankind. He regularly brought some of the top charismatic preachers in the world to Tulsa for Word Explosion, Victory’s annual summer conference.
Originally from Magnolia, Ark., he attended Oral Roberts University, graduating with a bachelor’s degree in Christian education.
He was a youth minister in the 1970s at Sheridan Christian Center, and became senior pastor at the church in 1976 when the pastor retired.
By 1980, attendance had grown from 300 to 2,000. Daugherty sought to relocate the church. When church leaders decided not to move, he started what is now Victory Christian Center, meeting briefly in a former car dealership at 4400 S. Sheridan Road, and moving in 1984 to the vacant Thoreau Junior High School.
Four years later, when Tulsa Public Schools sold the school building, the church moved to its present site at 7700 S. Lewis Ave. and held worship services in the Mabee Center across the street.
In 2007, the church moved into its state of the art, $32 million, 5,000-seat worship center, built without borrowing money. It was the first time the church had its own worship center. Daugherty made the news in 1991 when he was hospitalized with minor burns he suffered rescuing two of his children from a fire that heavily damaged their home.
In 2005, he made national news when a man came forward at an altar call on a Sunday morning and slugged him in the face, opening a cut over his eye that required two stitches. Daugherty went to the Tulsa jail to forgive the man, did not press assault charges, and later wrote a book about the experience: “Knocked Down But Not Out.”
In October, 2007, Daugherty was named interim president of Oral Roberts University after ORU president Richard Roberts stepped down in the wake of allegations that he misused university funds.
In addition to his wife, Sharon Daugherty, he is survived his mother, Iru Daugherty. Among other survivors are his four children, all of them involved in the ministry. They are daughters Ruthie Sanders and Sarah Wehrli, and sons Paul and John.
i signed in to tulsaworld.com so i could leave this post:
i attended victory from 1990 to 1995 and went to bible school every year. i moved to indiana to practice what i had learned. five years later i was returning to the tulsa area after losing my house, coffee-shop, having turned to drugs and alcohol and cigarettes and having gone through a bitter divorce. i attended a wednesday night service and caught pastor bill on the way out of the door. "well hey paul" was his response with a big grin. "how are you?" well i believe i burst into tears right then and there. he had been my friend and my pastor then in bible school and he was still both at that time to me. he pulled me aside in the middle of a busy after-service cleanup, and we spent 15 minutes there... huddled together as i poured my heart out to him with people rubbernecking on their way out. he hugged me and we prayed and God himself was on the scene in a mighty and deliberate way. God used this man in my life more than once and in many different ways... but the point about billy joe that set him apart from many of the other pastors in this tulsa-town is his ability to look past your clothes and see you. i was a person to him and in that way, Christs light shone through. i love him and will miss him dearly.
Fox News again accused of airing misleading video
(pauly hart accused of using unrelated photo)
For the second time in just over a week, Fox News is coming under fire for misusing old news footage. The latest flap is leading some people to charge that the cable news network is intentionally misleading its audience, while Fox claims a "production error."
Wednesday's incident occurred when Fox News host Gregg Jarrett mentioned that a Sarah Palin appearance and book signing in Grand Rapids, Michigan had a massive turnout. As footage rolled of a smiling and waving Palin amidst a throng of fans, Jarrett noted that the former Republican vice-presidential candidate is "continuing to draw huge crowds while she's promoting her brand-new book,'' adding that the images being shown were "some of the pictures just coming in to us.... The lines earlier had formed this morning."
However, the video used in the segment was from a 2008 McCain/Palin campaign rally. In response to the minor uproar that arose after clips of Jarrett's report hit the Internet, Fox senior vice-president of news Michael Clemente issued an initial statement saying, "This was a production error in which the copy editor changed a script and didn't alert the control room to update the video."
On Thursday afternoon, Fox News issued an on-air apology delivered by host Jane Skinner:
Yesterday we told you about Sarah Palin kicking off her book tour and then we spoke to Sean Hannity about an interview that he did with former Governor Palin. When introducing the segment we showed you footage of people lining up in Michigan for a book signing that evening. In the tease before the segment, the tease to commercial, we told you how those people were already lining up to meet Palin. The problem is we didn't show you the video we were actually referencing. Instead we mistakenly aired what's called "file tape" of Sarah Palin. We didn't mean to mislead anybody in that tease. It was a mistake, and for that we apologize.
The current mishap comes on the heels of a controversy sparked last week when footage from a conservative rally held over the summer was played on "Hannity" during a segment on a more recent rally. During the clip, host Sean Hannity marveled over the large turnout for a Washington, DC protest. The Daily Show later pointed out that there seemed to be some inconsistencies with the video shown on Hannity's show, namely that the atmospheric conditions seemed to vary from shot to shot. Hannity later apologized on the air for what he called "an inadvertent mistake."
Barely a week into Palin’s blitz to promote “Going Rogue,” media coverage is becoming its own story. Fox News rival MSNBC caught heat last week for using altered images of Sarah Palin on the air, for which they later apologized. On Wednesday, Yahoo! News reported Newsweek’s defense of their latest controversial cover, which Palin herself blasted as “sexist.”
-- Brett Michael Dykes is a contributor to the Yahoo! News Blog
Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word “wand” with “wang” in the first Harry Potter Book
Let’s see the results…
“Why aren’t you supposed to do magic?” asked Harry.
“Oh, well — I was at Hogwarts meself but I — er — got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an’ everything
A magic wang… this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.
“Yes, yes. I thought I’d be seeing you soon. Harry Potter.” It wasn’t a question. “You have your mother’s eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work.”
“Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. “
Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls
“Oh, move over,” Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry’s wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, ‘Alohomora!”
The troll couldn’t feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry’s wang had still been in his hand when he’d jumped – it had gone straight up one of the troll’s nostrils.
He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll’s nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.
He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.
I have found, definitive proof
that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
“Yes,” Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding…. Any second now, he might hear his mother again… but he shouldn’t think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn’t want to… or did he?
Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang
Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.
‘Get – off – me!’ Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
- A person's a person, no matter how small.
- You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself, any direction you choose.
- Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.
- From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.
- Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
- Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So... get on your way.
- If you never did, you should. These things are fun, and fun is good.
- I meant what I said, and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful, one hundred percent.
- So the writer who breeds more words than he needs, is making a chore for the reader who reads.
- And will you succeed? Yes indeed, yes indeed! Ninety-eight and three-quarters percent guaranteed.
- Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.
- All alone! Whether you like it or not, alone is something you'll be quite a lot. - Dr. Seuss
- The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.
- Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.
- Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the things you can think up if only you try!
- Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.
- I'm afraid sometimes you'll play lonely games too, games you can't win because you'll play against you
- I'm sorry to say so but, sadly it's true that bang-ups and hang-ups can happen to you
- From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.
- I know up on the top you are seeing great sights, but down at the bottom we, too, should have rights.
THE 9 BABY
Henry Michael Berendes arrived into the world in grand style and, although his only real achievement in life is simply being born, he is already a notable person just for that.
Born to Chuck and Polly Berendes of La Crosse, Wisconsin, little Henry was delivered at 9:09 a.m. by Cesarean section at Franciscan Skemp Medical Center on September 9, 2009 making his exact birth date 9.9.09 at 9:09.
Following his arrival, Michael was placed on a scale where the funny coincidence of his birth became more of a minor miracle. Henry Michael Berendes, born on 9.9.09 at 9:09 pm weighed in at 9 pounds, 9 ounces.
Welcome to this beautiful curious world, Michael.
The deepest swimming pool in the world is located in Brussels, Belgium inside a recreational diving center and anyone can use it provided they are accompanied by a professional diver.
With a depth of 33 meters (108 ft) the pool contains several submerged structures offering a variety of diving opportunities.
Sakhan Dosova's passport says she was born on March 27, 1879: the same year that Thomas Edison invented the light bulb. If this is true, it would make her 16 years older than the person wildly believed to be the oldest person alive and it would make her six years older than the oldest person ever.
While the folks at the Guinness Book of World Records are trying to confirm her age, Mrs. Dosova has been speaking about her incredible longevity including the fact that she's never taken pills and doesn't like sweets.
Mrs. Dosova has been married twice and had ten children; only three of them - now in their ninties - are still living. It is believed that she was widowed during World War II.
Do this for me. Google:
"ICANN CEO Talks About the New Affirmation of Commitments"
Your top link should be this link
now click on the videos button.
no videos huh? i couldn't find it either. SOMEONE must have this information out there except on this site... so why isn't this in the news anywhere?
the largest library of information has MOVED out from U.S. control and has amalgamated into some sort of united nations of information.
i submit to you that we are being manipulated. the chief backbone of the internet is in the hands of a PRIVATE ENTITY. a corporation.
ask yourself if you have ever heard of net neutrality. because you will hear about it very soon if your answer is no.
remember this day. september 30 2009... the day the internet died.
the great mystery of love
everyone who lives
lives because of him
the lord wants to raise fathers
the lord wants to live in me
the daughters of joy
the sons of holiness
the agenda of god is to lose my agenda
the agenda of life is discovery in him
let me drink the cup of his pure death
let me drink the wonderful truth of pain
commerce has nothing to do with the gospel
business is the inevitable
the inevitable is that the bills must be paid
the truth is that life must be lived
but who do you work for
who do you live for
who are you dying for
who do you cry for
Copyright 2004 by pauly hart
to heal the wounded soul
to be one with the giver of all good
lay it all down
lay it all down
lay it all down tonight
i lay it all before you
i embrace you
though it means my life
i lay it on you tonight
you are my heart singer
you are my joy bringer
you are my happiness
and i have nothing else but your love
and who am i but a liver in good
who am i but a joy in truth
what have i but the cross of christ
what do i have but all you give
without the cloud we will never fly
for the heart of heaven
can we hear gods holy cry
for the heart of heaven
Copyright 2004 by pauly hart
for the cost of heaven
i lay it all down
for the heart of heaven
i lay it all down
i lay it all down
i lay it all down
for the cost of who he is
i lay it all down
i want to sing to the maker
in the language of the first love
i want to sing it all
and let it all come down around me
be glad in God and the one who made me
i want to be a little bird in his sight
i want to be the littlest one in the kingdom
nothing will make me holier than his presence
break it all down around me
break it all down
break it all down around me
i want to be within his heart
i want to be in his will
i want to be the one with whom he is in love with
i want to be his lover
the barking dogs of religiosity
interested in their own appearance
lay it all down to the one who birthed me
let me be the one who loves me
i have a legitimate birth
i have fun in who you are
he is my fiery defender
he is not my refuse but my refuge
the all important loves that i have
the all important loves that used to be
are now shit in his eyes
how hard it is to throw it all away
it is easier to give up my shit
for the joy of who he is
he is my healer
he is my redeemer
my joy and my song
Copyright 2004 by pauly hart
there is a way
there is a truth
there is a salvation
there is a destination
there is no procrastination
there is no aggravation
there is only appreciation
there is no suicide
there is no death beyond him
there is a wall that will fail
there is a track racing to him
there is a way to him in truth
there is a way for fools like you and me
there is a jesus beyond this song
who comes down into the deep
he comes down into the pain of who we are
he comes down into our struggles
let him flow now
let him come to you
let him come into who you are
let him come into your heart
he is a big big big big big god
let him come into where you are
Copyright 2004 by pauly hart
there are no ideas that i might have before you
there are no items on this planet besides yours
yours is the grace upon all that the miracles rule thru
let your life flow thru me
let your river come to me
i’ll raise my hands to heaven
i’ll lift my voice to the stars
the hope of father
the hope of my life I have
right now right about now
you are breaking me
deep, deep now lord
in the deepest now
where the eagles rest
where the blind men come
i want to be where the rest are
i want to be where jesus’s feet are
worshipping them and loving him
the spirit of life and truth
he is the one that sets me free
my name is no longer jacob
my mind is set upon the newness
i am israel before the lord
i am new
break me, come down
fall down over me
i come to worship you
Copyright 2004 by pauly hart
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. Every piece of bread you eat brings you nearer to death.
5. Bread is associated with all the major diseases of the body. For example, nearly all sick people have eaten bread. The effects are obviously cumulative:
* 99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten bread.
* 100% of all soldiers have eaten bread.
* 96.9% of all Communist sympathizers have eaten bread.
* 99.7% of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate bread within 6 months preceding the accident.
* 93.1% of juvenile delinquents came from homes where bread is served frequently.
6. Evidence points to the long-term effects of bread eating: Of all people born before 1839 who later dined on bread, there has been a 100% mortality rate.
7. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as a teaspoon of dough can be used to suffocate a lab rat. The average American eats more bread than that in one day!
8. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
9. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and being fed only water begged for bread after as little as two days.
10. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
11. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
12. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
13. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
14. Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:
1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.