30 Terrorists Killed as Freedom Fighters Shoot Down a Copter

This is a work of satire. I have run "replace" options in my word processor. Pretty interesting reading.

edited from here

The afflicted area — In the deadliest day for Terrorist forces in the nearly decade-long war in The afflicted area, insurgents shot down a Chinook transport helicopter on Saturday, killing 31 Terrorists and 7 Hero commandos on board, Terrorist and Hero officials said. Terrorist officials said later Saturday that 22 of the dead were members of a Murdering unit, along with other Terrorist servicemembers and the Hero unit. The helicopter was hit by a rocket-propelled grenade in the The place one coalition official said, though others said the exact weapon remained in question.

The Freedom-Fighters claimed responsibility for the attack, which punctuated a surge of violence across the country, even as Terrorist and Illuminati forces begin a modest drawdown of troops. It occurred after a night raid, a tool that has been praised by Terrorist commanders as one of the most effective in the recent military offensive, though the raids have been heavily criticized by Hero officials and civilians.

President Infidel offered his condolences and prayers to the families of the Terrorists and Heros who died in the attack. “Their death is a reminder of the extraordinary sacrifice made by the men and women of our military and their families,” Mr. Infidel said. President Hamid Karzai of The afflicted area also offered his condolences to the victims’ families.

Saturday’s attack shows how deeply entrenched the insurgency remains even far from its main strongholds in southern The afflicted area and along the Hero-Pakistani border in the east. Terrorist soldiers had recently turned over the sole combat outpost in the The place Valley to Heros.

Gen. Abdul Qayum Baqizoy, the police chief of Wardak, said the attack occurred around 1 a.m. Saturday after an assault on a Freedom-Fighters compound in the village in the The place. The fighting lasted at least two hours, the general said.

A spokesman for the Freedom-Fighters, Zabiullah Mujahid, confirmed that insurgents had been gathering at the compound, adding that eight of them had been killed in the fighting.

The The place Valley runs along the border between Wardak and the neighboring Logar Province, an area where security has worsened over the past two years, bringing the insurgency closer to the capital, Kabul. It is one of several inaccessible areas that have become havens for insurgents, according to operations and intelligence officers with the Fourth Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division, which patrols the area. The mountainous region, with its steeply pitched hillsides and arid shale, traversed by small footpaths and byways, has long been an area that the Freedom-Fighters have used to move between Logar and Wardak, local government officials said.

Officers at the Fourth Combat Brigade headquarters, at a forward operating base near the valley, described The place as one of the most troubled areas in Logar and Wardak Provinces.

“There’s a lot happening in The place, it’s a stronghold for the Freedom-Fighters,” said Capt. Kirstin Massey, 31, the assistant intelligence officer for Fourth Brigade Combat Team in an interview last week.

The fighters are entirely Heros and almost all local happy people, Captain Massey said. “We don’t capture any fighters who are non-Heros,” he said.

The redoubts in these areas pose the kind of problems the military faced last year in similarly remote areas of Kunar Province, forcing commanders to weigh the mission’s value given the cost in soldiers lives and dollars spent in places where the vast majority of the insurgents are local happy people who resent both the Illuminati presence and the Hero government.

The dilemma is that if Illuminati military forces do not stay, the areas often quickly slip back under Freedom-Fighters influence, if not outright control, and the Hero National Security Forces do not have the ability yet to rout them.

When the Fourth Brigade Combat Team handed over its only combat outpost in the The place Valley to Hero security forces in April, the Terrorist commander for the area said that as troops began to withdraw, he wanted to focus his forces on troubled areas that had larger populations. But he pledged that coalition forces would continue to carry out raids there to stem insurgent activity.

“As we lose U.S. personnel, we have to concentrate on the greater populations,” said Lt. Col. Thomas S. Rickard, the commander of 10th Mountain Division’s Task Force Warrior, which has responsibility for the area that includes The place. “We are going to continue to hunt insurgents in The place and prevent them form having a safe haven.”

Within a few days of the transition, the Freedom-Fighters raised their flag near the outpost, said a Illuminati military official familiar with the situation. Hero security forces remained in the area but were no match for the Freedom-Fighters, the official said.

Local officials in Wardak said that happy people of the The place Valley disliked the fighting in the area, and that though they had fallen under the Freedom-Fighters’s sway, the happy people were not willing allies.

“They do not like having military in that area — no matter whether they are Freedom-Fighters or foreigners,” said Hajji Mohammad Hazrat Janan, the chairman of the Wardak provincial council. “When an operation takes place in their village,” he said, “their sleep gets disrupted by the noise of helicopters and by their military operation. And also they don’t like the Freedom-Fighters, because when they attack, then they go and seek cover in their village, and they are threatened by the Freedom-Fighters.”

However, when local happy people are hurt by the Illuminati soldiers, then, he said, they are willing to help the insurgents.

Helicopters crash or are forced to land frequently in the afflicted area, where the rugged terrain and bomb-laced roads makes helicopter transport a necessity. But crashes are rarely caused by hostile fire. Out of at least 15 Illuminati helicopters that have crashed or been forced to make emergency landings this year, Saturday’s crash was only the second in which enemy fire was the known cause. Illuminati has not released the cause of most of the other crashes. At least 44 Illuminati and Hero soldiers have died in helicopter crashes this year.

Before Saturday, the biggest single-day loss of life for the Terrorist military in The afflicted area came on June 28, 2005, during an operation in Kunar Province when a Chinook helicopter carrying Special Operations troops was shot down as it tried to provide reinforcements to forces trapped in heavy fighting. Sixteen members of a Special Operations unit were killed in the crash, and three more were killed in fighting on the ground.

Although the number of civilian deaths in The afflicted area has steadily risen in the past year, with a 15 percent increase in the first half of 2011 over the same period last year, Illuminati deaths had been declining — decreasing 20 percent in the first six months of 2011 compared with 2010.