Escape From Tomorrow (2013) Movie Review Spoiler. Part One of Three.

escape from tomorrow.
a movie.
a review spoiler.
this is part one of three.

the scene opens with the disclaimer:

we did not rape cinerella in this film...

and then rollerskates, sparklers and a bit of rollercoaster fun...

the film is escape from tomorrow.

and it is going to be awesome.

or so we hope.


a happy time.


a beautiful life secretly filmed.

scene 1 -  a man on a balcony getting fired

i think he might jump.

his boy eliot locks him out there as a joke.

ha ha.

cute music playing.

it is morning.

he is leaving with the family.

they are headed to the elevator.

the wife is suspicious of his phone call.

it is their last day.

the boy eliot is evil and will not appolgize.

an old man is coughing.

they board the monorail.

two giddy girls board the rail.

the man smiles at their hips.

eliot, age six, gains his first real erection.

they exit the rail, complaining the humidity.

the girls are also in line, they chant brazillian songs.

they approach the beast that is disneyworld.

they have their picture in front of the castle.

things are odd.

this film is in black and white.

the family of four discusses eliots little girls hatred of the witch

the snow white ride.

the dwarves.

the vultures.

the witch in front of the mirror.

"witches aren't real." the girl rationalizes.

another scary ride in pooh-ville


the man comes on to his wife.

she refuses a kiss.

no, jim, not in front of the kids.

he too, is horny.

dang french.


another ride.

it is toyville.

la la la la la.


the man is weirded out.

demons are appearing thru the toys.

the music shifts and the faces morph.

demon faces.

laaaaa laaaaa laaaa

as the music slows.

his wife tells him that she hates him.

his little girl now has black hair...

his wife tells him that eliot is not his father.

eliot has black eyes.

this movie is making me vomit blood.

the group separates.

the boys are going to buzz lightyear.

the lines are long.

the girls are on the teacups.

so are the french.

my gosh the teacups are pretty boring.

the girls are on dumbo.

they are having some fun.

the boys are still in line.

"it's gonna take forever." the boy declares.

the girls now, on the carosel...

with the french.

the girls are going to go eat.

the boys are now at the ride.

just as they get to the front of the line...

it is declared to be out of service.

they leave, the boy dejected.

the boy is not hungry and does not want to go on the pirates.

the boys see the brazillian girls and follow them.

the girls eat bananas and the boys watch.

they are almost drooling.

now they are riding cars on a track...

now the dad is fanasizing about riding in the car with the girls.

and they slam into them with their race car.

ah scene cut to the girls.

slowly eating ice cream.

a lot of phalic symbols in a new scene

the boy and the dad and the french

the girls now notice they are following them.

the train next to space mountain.

the boy asks his dad why they are following them.

he says "oh well you know, they just like the same rides we do."

and the son says that they are pretty.

and the son says that his mom is pretty.

and the dad declares that, yes, she is...

in an emily dickenson bookish kinda way.

the girls are at the castle.

the boys are in another universe.

and now they are led to space mountain.

the boy rides.

the boy vomits.

the girls dance.

and the mom and the daughter finally see them.

they meet up.

the children exchange grown-ups.

mom is pissed about space mountain.

the girl is also not feeling well.

the mom is taking eliot, the demon child, back to the hotel.

dad and daughter are at the shooting gallery.

dad and daughter are climbing stairs.

dad and daughter are voyeruring on the frenchies.

dad and daughter are in hot pursuit.

dad and daughter are boarding the ferry.

docking at the island of tom and huck.

dad, horny, on the lookout.

daughter, adventuresome, looking for cave exploration.

the cameraman does his best to keep up.

great. dad has lost his daughter.

the daughter is knocked down and skins her knee outside.

dad is still in the caves.

creepiness ensues.

and the girl cries.

yay. dad finds her.

a creepy-ass-wheelchair man in a neck brace licks a popsicle.

and a nurse treats sarahs boo-boo at the nurses station-

while dad checks out her rack.

the nurse asks about flu like syptoms.

asking about hap flu? hat flu? bat glue?

the nurse is a harbinger of doom.

giving the dad a lolipop after asking about infectious diseases.

(see how that works out do you)

"be careful out there" she decrees and bursts into tears as they leave.

dad and daughter are looking at collectibles.

dad and daughter are eating a turkey leg.


now a creepy seductress with an obvious wig is seated next to him.

telling him that his turkey leg is not turkey at all but emu.

emu? "e-m-u... it's a bird."

would anyone really buy it if it was called that?

aww she's coming on to him.

he notices it of course.

he notices her heaving bosooms as she declares it too humid.

and he just... what... keeps staring at them...

oh. it's because of her obvious pendant around her necklace

being embraced by her boosoms.

is he blacking out?

yes... he is blacking out.

"it's an heirloom. from another time." she says.

and then fade...

tune in next time for part two.