Dracula Untold

Going over to Youtube this morning to watch something that "Isabella" sent me about some dumb trailer about "The Last Supper" official trailer and ended up watching the full ad for "Dracula Untold" instead and skipping her little video.

The trailer (and Wikipedia) probably gives everything away about what you will go see this October.

A dude named Vlad is a real badass and he loves his wife and wants to protect the fine people of the Principality of Wallachia from the evil Ottoman Empire. His father was a member of the Order of the Dragon that had sworn to do so, and this is his lot in life.

Well he can't very well do that because he has no army or they are all semi-retarded or something and somehow he is the only one who can fight his way out of a potato-sack.

So he does the Batman/Leonidas thing and goes to seek out Ra's al Ghul/Oracle and give over his soul to Tywin Lannister at Casterly Rock which looks just like some weird cave-fort in the middle of a mountain-side. It must suck being old Tywin. He alone has been waiting for (whatever amounts to a long time or) fifty billion decades or something for a man to have the strength to get to him. God knows if he would have waited too long and some jerk with a helicopter would have gotten to him.

And so we have the classic "In a world" phrase born. There is a formula to this phrase, and I will teach it to you. Here it is. And you have to imagine me saying this real low and raspy.

In a world... (In a world)
Where justice is given at the edge of a sword... (The establishing shot)
A man will go on a journey... (It's always a man on a journey or something)
And protect his people. (Woah, something really at stake here)
...And then some action scenes of him with a sword...
He will fight... (They always fight or strive or whatever)
To destroy evil... (Because Muslims are evil of course)
By becoming evil himself. (Not sure what the hell Tywin Lannister is at this point except Satan)
...More fighting except he has bats as his fists this time...

Something like that.

Seems like a really cool movie ruined by a bunch of special effects... No wait. I said that about the original "Total Recall".

This movie says that America will fight Terrorism by becoming Terrorists themselves.

Think about it.

In the movie a Christian leader has to make a deal with the devil to defend his people against a Muslim invasion.

fighting Terrorism with terrorism.

Bullshit. And you think that I'm politically incorrect?