A brief study
John was finishing up his free bowl of chili, smacking all the while. JB had been lounging in the booth, but reluctantly gave up his seat as I sidled up. She sat down and proceeded to explain. Take out a sheet of paper and a pin. Don't you mean 'PEN?' Yeah whatever, she said. I'm just saying that you pronounce it incorrectly. Do you want to do this or not, her face scowling. Sorry. Pens and pins ready, she explained. All you need to do is define what words I will tell you. Like an explanation? I asked. Like a DEFINITION She repeated. Geaaaaw! JB retorted, Don't you ever pay attention? Ok guys, she said... ready? Yeah. Ok the first item is a cube. You mean... like... Tell me what it looks like. One sentance, or... No more than a paragraph.
The Cube: It's clear, one of its sides ia actually a tiger and it is held by Martin Luther, and King Jr.s face is on the opposite side. Inside the cube is a pink cloud with a lonely purple teardrop that drips down onto this very paper. Upon the very farthest corner of the cube sits a very small herd of yacks.
Done, I said. FINALLY! they all said. I looked around and discovered that they had been done quite some time ago. Ummm, I think mine is too long. Looking bemused she looked down at my paper. Then at the others. JB had something like: Big and red. Or Johns single sentance aluding to his cube being sleek and shimmering. The next object is a ladder, she said. Describe it on your paper. I looked down. Hmmm. Not as interesting as a cube, I said in my own head, but oh well.
The Ladder: The ladder is made of rough cardboard, and of very small ground up bacon bits. It is covered in celtic spirals and leading towards an orange bush. Of course it is flat on the ground.
Hmmm. That wasn't tough. I actually got done before JB, was still thinking and doing what appeared to be some oral surgery on his face with the back of his pen. Something like realization dawned upon his face hewn with rugged good looks. He finished up his answer. Next was the horse. A horse? Yes, a horse. Then a storm.
The Horse: The most beautiful horse in the world was vandalized by ghetto graphitti artists. It was the most majestic and comely purple, but now is a horrid slur of dingy browns. She looks terrible. She has been hurt very badly in the past and has a limp in her left front leg and has gone blind in her left eye. But a horse like this cannot be stopped, for she thinks that she is the stongest horse in the entire universe.
The Storm: The storm was coming from one of feather clouds that was inside the cube. It rained down over-large blue and yellow marshmallows. They fell around 1/8th the normal speed of raindrops but it was very odd that they were immediatly devoured by odd little leprechauns before they ever hit the ground.
John had been watching me write the last one, and said that it would be a great movie to see. I asked what he meant. The new movie Being Pauly Hart. I looked at him and crossed me eyes. MALCOVICH MALCOVICH in my most loony voice. He smiled. Are we done? Nope. She was laughing. Two more. Ok. Oks echoed all around.
The Flowers: At one time there were exactly 1,543,297,208 flowers. They encompassed the entire range of mountains and feilds of plains within my mini-vision. But the horse had eaten all but three of them. The three left are small thick dark yellow tulip-type flowers, and they smell of rotting strawberries. The three that are alive have developed electro-anti-horse-nutreno rays in self defense so that they can survive.
What was next? The relationship. Of matter versus anti-matter I asked? Of Heather Lockleer to Former President Clinton? No she said, but I'd like to see that last one. Chukles from John and myself. JB said that it wasn't funny. As former Commander In Cheif, Clinton should have... yada yada... Yeah, shutup. What in the world are you talking about anyway? What do YOU MEAN? Guys! She had to break in and thank God she did. The relationship of all of these things to one another. A pause. Oooooooh, we all said at once.
The Relationship: As stated before without prior knowledge of the relationship factor, the storm exists inside the cube. Now upon this knowledge, the cube exists inside the horses mind, but as explained before, the horse is on the same plain as the flowers. And these of course, are on the ladder... or within the second rung of the ladder to be exact. This would mean that the horse and the flowers would have to be very very tiny.
Done. Really? Yup. Ok. What was the point here? Oh, just have some FRIKKIN PATIENCE CADET! Oh can it jar-head... Lots of laughing. Alright gentlemen she pronounces. Here is what each item stands for.
The cube is yourself
The ladder is your friends
The horse is your lover
The storm is your problems
The flowers are your children
And their relation to one another
Copyright 2003 by pauly hart