Here is my soul. Broken for God. Make me an instrument of your peace.

I went through a time in my life for five years when it seemed like
everyone around me died or left. Two of my best friends committed suicide
from drug misuse, my mother died... after my fathers remarriage; my step-
mother died. My grandfather died, my wife left, my business went under,
I wasn't allowed to see my step-daughter, My church shunned me. My friends
turned on me, I totaled my car, I lost my house... get the picture?

Needless to say it was a hard time in my life. I had a hard time living
with myself and the guilt that I had pressed into a small package and had
left sit in my soul. It seemed that I was on a crash course with self
destruction and there was no eject seat.

So I started smoking. And drinking. I got a girlfriend, and formed a casual
drug-habit. Anything to escape reality. I would literally spend entire days
in front of the computer playing games. I hated the way things were, I hated
my life, and I hated myself. I had felt abandoned by God. The feeling that
I imagined I had was that of Christ when He was hung up on the cross. My
prayer and complaint was always: "My God, why have you forsaken me?"

That was years ago. Life has left scars, but God was always faithful...
whether I knew it or not.

Copyright 2003 by pauly hart

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