many people have access to my life here online, but most people do not know me. it is always fun when one of my fans comes up to me and tells me that they feel like they know me after seeing a showing of my paintings or hearing me at a poetry reading, yet this is not me. this online representation that you see before you is not me. the things that we subject ourselves to are not ourselves. we are who we are in the flesh and blood representation. the artificial mind that is this “internet” is not ME it is not YOU, it is a false you. contrived and directed by you, but not you. you may be my facebook, bebo, myspace, or bitstrips friend... you may know me from schools or plays or coffeeshops... you may have an idea of who i portray in real life. you may have slept with me you may have threatened to beat me up. you are not here and you do not know who i am.
i am a child of the Lord Most High, brother of Jesus the Christ and redeemed lover of the Holy Spirit. i am what the canonized bible refers to as one of the reborn. i am what the pentateuch refers to as a son of God. i am what history refers to as a “christian” and i am not going to apologize for it.
and this may piss you off. this may cause you grief. this may make you angry that i practice righteousness and call your self-love: wicked... and call your love of evil: wrong... oh well. i will die for my beliefs so poo on you. i would be crucified, shredded and torn before i deny Him who saved me.
which leads me to my point.
i am far from perfect. i cuss, drink and used to smoke. i am living with my “wife” yet we have not signed papers saying so yet. i have a foul temperament and judge freely. i have what some psychologists call “road-rage”. if left unattended, i could see myself being tempted to pick up pornography. this does not excuse my behavior. this is only the point where i proclaim my victory over my trials and tribulations and acknowledge that i am nothing without Christ.
and i expect the same of my few real friends.
you may be my “friend” on many a site. you may “know me”. you don't. i only have five or so friends to tell you the truth. and the worst thing that you can go thru is choosing to cut one of them off because you have found out that they have left God behind and followed a “good idea”. and that's one of the hardest decisions of my life - and i had to make it yesterday. a good friend and a brother to me has rejected the Bible as the definitive word of God. yet my faith is rooted in this compilation of 70 books. yet he has told me that it is just as valid as the bhagavad gita. i write this letter in testament to verify that he is not my friend any longer.
and i weep for him.
thanks for reading.
-pauly hart
