A Brief History of Jews and Hebrews
Pauly Hart
2/9/16
The more I study history, the more I realize that Judaism is not based upon
the Israelite religion or the teachings of the Tenakh. Modern day Judaism is a
schism of the faith, much the same as Shi'a Islam is to Islam. From Shi'a, you
have most of the radicals, and from Judaism, you have most of the horrible
atrocities that perpetuate the hatred of the Palestinian. But I can't really
convince you without delving into history a little, so bear with me as I
recount some awesome facts in an entertaining way, hopefully.
Let's start with Abraham's dad: Terah. Terah was a dude who lived in Sumeria
in the bustling metroplex of Ur and was like, this Mesopotamian genius
businessman, entrepreneur, war hero, statesman and all around, great guy. He
was like: "Man, these people suck. Come on kids, let's move. So he took
his son Abraham (then called Abram) his grandson, Lot, and Abram's wife: Sarai
and moved to the Chaldean town of Harran, presumably to start a Bagel shop.
Terah probably worshiped Enki, who was the Sumerian god of Arts and
Crafts, Intelligence, and Creation. He was probably doing it right and was a
good dad who taught Abram how to bow and grovel and basically be a good devotee
to the creator of the universe. Well, at a ripe old age of 205, Terah called it
quits in the Bagel industry and died. Abraham was pretty chill about it and was
wondering what to do about it all and was alone on a hillside when "The
Creator", revealing himself as "YHVH" was all like: "Listen
dude, I hate bagels. You should do something else with your life. Get up and
move. He was seventy five years old, a young pup back then, and so he moved to
a land called Canaan.
YHVH told him that all the land that he saw would be his one day. So, that
would be most of southern Turkey, down to most of Saudi Arabia, the Sanai peninsula,
including Cairo, all of Jordan, Syria, Lebanon, Iraq and today's country of
Israel. That's a lot of land dude. But, that's what YHVH promised, so boom goes
the dynamite. Abram believed him and YHVH changed his name to Abraham. A funny
note is that Abram means: "Dad" and Abraham means "Big
Daddy", but at the time, he had no children of his own, so he goes off and does his wife’s servant and has a child and calls him Ismael. Then God is
pretty pissed off and tells him to go do his wife, and he does, and she comes,
and he comes, and they laid there, bathed in sweat at a hundred years old and
she was like: "Damn Big Daddy, that was awesome, I think you knocked me
up." And he did.
But there were problems and Abraham told his wife's servant Hagar,
"Get the heck out!", and she did and she took Ismael with her and
they had it pretty rough, but an angel showed up and told them that: "Hey,
no worries, you're going to be just as plenteous as the other kids." And
they were. And then Isaac was Sarai's kid (who was renamed Sarah) and he had
all of his dad's affection and love and then that was fine for a while but then
Abraham got the hots for this chick named Keturah and knocked her up with six
sons and he loaded them all up with gifts and told them: "You should
probably take off east somewhere, Isaac is a little twat, sometimes."
I would like to take this time to mention a couple of things. Hagar, mother
of Ishmael, was Egyptian, lighter skinned and pretty hearty. YHVH had promised
the Hebrews that they would be blessed. And Ismael was the firstborn Hebrew! In
all of history YHVH hasn't proved himself to be wrong. Look at the sons of
Keturah. She was most probably a darker skinned woman. So, it would appear to
be that even from the one father, we have three distinct ethnicities that
appear on the event horizon of the future of the Middle-East. But let's get
back to the main story.
So then! The Children of Abraham were split. He had eight sons. Only one of
which went on to be the father of the Israelites, namely Isaac. Ismael, Midian,
Jokshan, Zimran, Ishbak, Shuah, and Medan went on to populate other areas. Only
Isaac is the line of the "promised people" and that was through his
son Isaac. Jews, Saudis, Palestinians and most Arabs are Hebrews. All of
Abraham’s children are Hebrews, actually. That's where we get the whole name.
Isaac, likewise had more than one son. Esau, the first born, went on to
form his own people, as did Jacob. Jacob later had his name changed to (guess
what) Israel. He had twelve sons, who each formed their own tribe and hung out
together for a while. They were Reuben, Simeon, Levi, Judah, Dan, Naphtali,
Gad, Asher, Issachar, Zebulun, Joseph, and Benjamin.
Judah was the asshole (savior?) who, when they put Joseph into the pit to
kill him, decided to sell him to the Midianites (other Hebrews, remember?)
Judah had all sorts of problems raising children and a tribe himself. Judah
took a wife, Tamar, for his firstborn son, Er, but he was so evil that God took
his life. Judah commanded his second-born son, Onan, to marry Tamar and produce
an heir for his deceased brother as God’s laws commanded in such circumstances.
Onan would not carry through with this act because it would not be his heir.
God then took Onan’s life for his refusal to give his brother an heir. Ouch
God!
Following Onan’s death, Judah asked Tamar to not remarry, but to wait in
her father’s house until Judah’s youngest son, Shelah, was old enough to marry.
Tamar said: "OK." But quite a number of years went by, and Judah’s
wife, Shua, died. Crap! Tamar realized that she was not going to be given in
marriage to Shelah, who was now grown, and that Judah really was an asshole.
One day Tamar heard that Judah was heading out to work the sheep. She took
off her widow’s garments (kinda like a Berka) and got dolled up like a ho and
sat along the road where Judah would walk by. Judah didn't recognize her and
propositioned her for some awesome hooker sex; but he had no money... so she
demanded his signet, cord and staff for collateral. When it was later
discovered that she was pregnant, Judah threatened her with death for harlotry.
What an asshole move. To save her life, she presented the items belonging to
Judah and said, “By the man to whom these belong, I am with child” Bazinga.
Take that asshole. So she had twins. "My dad is also my grandpa," Perez and Zerah might say.
So, most of the bloodline thing is out there... But I gotta sidetrack a
tiny bit and tell you what happened to Joseph real quick. What happened soon
after was a famine. Joseph moved all of his brothers and dad to Egypt and
protected them and they lived peacefully until Joseph died and a new Pharaoh
took over and pissed all over the Hebrews and things sucked. But then this
smart young lad named Moses told him: "Let my people go" and all
that, and they moved out into the wilderness and walked around for a while
until Moses died and Joshua was charged with killing the remnants of
Canaanites... Which is another story that goes way back to this dude named
Canaan and all of his children who stole the land in the first place, because
they pissed off their grandfather Noah. Anyway, I digress. There was a lot of
blood.
But I can't blame anyone's actions on their heritage can I? Not really. But
you can see a trend appearing. I think that this prophesy might explain much of
how the next several hundred years transpired. When Jacob prophesied over all
of his children, he was very specific about Judah and said this: "Judah,
you are he whom your brothers shall praise; your hand shall be on the neck of
your enemies; your father’s children shall bow down before you. Judah is a
lion’s whelp; from the prey, my son, you have gone up. He bows down, he lies
down as a lion; and as a lion, who shall rouse him? The scepter shall not
depart from Judah, nor a lawgiver from between his feet, until Shiloh comes;
and to Him shall be the obedience of the people”.
That's a lot of responsibility. And they sure lived up to it. The Jews came
from all of Judah and some of the smaller tribe of Benjamin. What happened to
the other ten tribes? After they all had some awesome times with King Saul,
King David and King Solomon, the whole ball of wax turned to ca-ca. The kingdom
split with the "North" and the "South" living separately.
The north was called: "Israel" and the south was called:
"Judah"... And that was 300 years or so of good times with bad. Then
one terrible morning Assyria was like: "Hey, let's go enslave that
northern nation." And so, in 712BC, they swooped down and gathered them
all up.
A hundred years passed by and the Babylonians thought that that turned out
pretty well, so they went and did it to Judah, until the Medes and Persians
took over Babylon with nothing more than a hat-trick from Cyrus, who then said:
"Man, those guys need a break. Anybody want to just go back home, you
can." And 42,000 of the Juddahites (read: Jews) were like:
"Sure." And off they went. And they called him the
"Messiah" for doing so.
And that's it. The rest of the "Old Testament" or Tenakh is just
a record of that small remnant of Judah from the larger nation of Judah, from
the larger nations of Israel, from the old country of Israel, from the people
group of the Hebrews, who were just a small part of the larger Hebrew group,
that I will just call: "Children of Abraham."
So, all that being said. All Jews are Israelites, all Israelites are
Hebrews, but not much of the Hebrews are Jews. When Jews persecute any of their
neighbors, they do so without YHVH's permission and it is sin. In their holy
texts, it is written, "You shall also love the stranger, for you were
strangers in the land of Egypt. And: "The alien who resides with you shall
be to you as the citizen among you; you shall love the alien as yourself, for
you were aliens in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God." So then,
once the slayings of the Canaanites was accomplished, there is to be no war and
no hatred towards their fellow brother, and more importantly, their cousins.
This is why the modern state of "Israel" is a Zionist facade of
goodness, and is more than likely just another evil empire. Now. Before you
even have a chance to go around blogging saying things like: "Pauly agrees
with Hitler" or other such bullcrap, let me make it clear and plain: I am
a follower of Jesus the Christ, himself a son of Judah and David, and who I
believe to be the actual Messiah, more so than Cyrus. Christ commanded, as does
the Tenakh, to love your neighbor, and to love him as you would love yourself.
I don't care if you call yourself Ethiopian or Jewish or Hutu or Portuguese. If
you don't do this, then you are not a friend of mine. It is my chief wish that
all men on Earth would love their brothers, love their neighbors, and love
themselves. More than I hope and pray that you turn and learn to love YHVH and
the incarnation of his perfectness in his Son and prophet, Yeshua Hamashiach,
or as we call him in English: "Jesus Christ."
